No Guns and Latte?? Oh The Rage.

4

So the CEO of Starbucks has changed his mind about allowing guns into his caffeine dispensing dens of temporary psychological euphoria?

Hey, it’s his right. Might not be a bad idea. Drugs and guns generally don’t blend as well together as some of the concoctions they distribute over the counter.
Kinda like coffee and automobiles.

But, consider for a moment that Mr. Schulz is demonstrating the indecisive behavior and mood swings endemic to people who drink too much coffee.

Like Walmart, SBUX is one of those modern American Institutions that I only venture into because of the needs of a loved one. It helps that I don’t drink coffee. Never have, except for 1-2-3X per year when I’ve imbibed WAY WAY too many adult beverages the previous night-which doesn’t happen anymore…..well….eh, never mind.

I get a little creepy walking into legal drug dens of faux euphoria, where the staff greets me with Marty Feldman eyes and a Minnie Mouse falsetto voice wondering what kind of day I am having. (None of your fucking business?).
And then quickly surrounded by patrons bouncing on their tippy toes reeling off a higher pitched, yet Gregorian Chant-like litany of alien sounding coffee types and sizes complete with enough bizarre accessories to embarrass any Milton Berle cross dressing wardrobe.
All this thought and effort for a cup of coffee? Seriously?

Then I chuckle as I watch these folks skip out towards their vehicle with liquid oralgasm in hand (with a safety wrap, of course) for their morning commute along with hundreds of others equally jizzed up road warriors. Knowing full well that at some point, (usually while sitting in gridlock traffic and 10 minutes late for work?), all the euphoric adrenaline exacerbated with caffeine is gonna subside and before you know it….here comes the cross spectrum anxiety attack.

Anyone else ever notice that the term “Road Rage” never became an “in vogue” societal buzz phrase until the late 1990’s?
About the same time Starbucks came into existence?

Think about it.

About Author

Tom Mahon

Self Educated Road Scowler Lifetime Bon Vivant Ascribes to the belief that "Common Sense Is Uncommon" A Hard Man to Like, An Easy Man To Love. What Others say: "A Trailer Park Dave Barry" "The Bastard Love Child of Molly Ivins and George Will Who Rebelled in Kindegarten" "Hunter S. Thompson on Methadone", "A Hitch-Hiking Charles Kuralt- with a thumb up his ass"

  • Kathleen Morris

    The guy is a knob….period. just confirms why I stopped going there.

  • Slughead

    Jizzed up road warriors?? IDK which starbucks you’re going to… but I’ve never been jizzed on at one… I hope…

  • FedUp

    So they’re putting up “Gun Free Zone” magic force-field signs too?

  • Greg Spence Wolf

    That is me in the picture. My image was used without permission.