Phil Robertson: American Jihadi


Phil Robertson, patriarch of Duck Dynasty fame, recently went on Sean Hannity’s show to discuss ISIL. Considering that Hannity is one of the worst hacks on TV, not just FNC, I was a bit surprised by Phil’s choice. Look, there are plenty of hosts available that can actually muster an original thought and don’t just spew mindless talking points. But alas, Phil made his decision.

Up until this point, I had regarded Phil as a stand-up, rock-ribbed conservative kinda guy. Not really my kinda guy… but a guy who knew what he believed in and wasn’t too far out there. Until now. Things got sideways for me when he picked Sean’s show.

Phil, resembling an American freedom-fighter resplendent in Mossy Oak camo, with a long unkempt beard and equally long unkempt trusses kept behind a bandanna had the audacity to say:

“You either have to convert them — which I think would be next to impossible. I’m not giving up on them, but I’m just saying, either convert them or kill them.”

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Convert them or kill them? Really? Let’s unpack this for a bit shall we? Setting aside the fact that Phil uses the EXACT SAME RHETORIC that IS (and others) use when they describe their jihad on infidels, it seems to me that his two pronged plan is fatally flawed.

He proposes to give them a choice to “convert” (best I can tell, he means to convert to Christianity, not converting to you know, a regular guy who just wants to feed his family and be left alone). This leaves us with strategic and tactical questions. Phil, who is going to be doing all this conversion? And what are we converting them to? Hm? Do we expect the armed forces to lead the conversion charge, or are we going to send in Mossy Oak Missionaries armed with duck calls, Mossbergs, and the New American Standard Bible to get the job done. You are gracious enough to say that “I am not giving up on them” but you provide no realistic way of achieving this conversion.

This leaves your second choice… “Killing them”. Which is really the only strategy, isn’t it? I think it’s a strategy that many can rally around. It’s binary. We win, you die. Very simple to understand. The minute we add religious rhetoric the conversation turns to something else. It becomes Jihad. Is that what you want… I mean you have the “jihadi-Look” thing going and all… so maybe jihad is what you are after. If so, go do it somewhere else, please.

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Milo X is a long time news junkie and lurker of the wild and wooly internets. Milo X has been in the punk scene for over 25 years and takes his handle from the lead singer of the mighty Descendents.